In the last few weeks my daughter has fallen in the love with the PBS show called Wild Kratts. If you don’t know what this show is, it’s these two brothers Chris and Martin who interact with animals and they go into animation with the phrase, “What If?” Continue reading “Mummified Parasites”
When our son was near the end of his life, we made a very important decision. It was something that was very hard for us to do, though I don’t know why it was. Continue reading “Sacrifice”
When my daughter was first born, and for most of her first year, there was only one person she would let snuggle with her, Me. She wouldn’t let anyone else hold her for long periods of time and especially not her Daddy. I could never figure out why. Continue reading “A Girl’s Love for her Daddy”
This Mother’s Day is going to be a little different for me. I am not sure how I am going to deal with it. Whether it is because it will be the two-month anniversary of my son’s death or because the first person to make me a Mom won’t be there to celebrate Mother’s Day with me this year.
While I have always known in the back of my mind that something like this might happen eventually, I really wasn’t expecting my fifth year as a mom to come with such heartache.
And yet, I am still celebrating the fact that I was given the privilege to be the Mama of a beautiful little boy who caught and held the heart of so many people. When I found out that I was pregnant with my son over 6 years ago, I didn’t realize what an honor it would be to become a mom.
I always wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. I saw my own mom with all her struggles and the love she showed to my siblings and I wanted to be just like her. My Mom homeschooled us while holding down the duties of Pastor’s wife. She made us meals and cleaned the house making sure we had clean clothes to wear. But one of the things I saw my mom do was her quiet time in the morning. She would get up at 5:45 in the morning, most days, before anyone else was awake and spread out her Bible to study. There were times I would come down stairs knowing she would be doing her quiet time, just to see her doing it. I always tell her if I could be half the Mom and Wife she is, I would be doing very well.
Momhood is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s exhaustion, and sleepless nights. It’s heartache and frustration. And yet, it is more than you could ever ask for. Momhood is hugs and kisses, and love that feels as if it is going to burst out of your chest. Momhood is the pure joy of each new accomplishment for your child and the first day they tell you “I love you.”
I wouldn’t trade any of my Mom experiences. While it has full of sadness and sorrow, I am grateful for every one of them. When I first became a mom, I didn’t know what would happen. But through everything I have been through, I have a bigger appreciation for other moms who have been through what I have been through. It’s nice to know that I am not alone and I like being about to share with others that they are not alone.
I am very much going to miss my son, but I am thankful that as I celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend, I will not only be able to celebrate with my daughter, but I will also get to celebrate my mom, my mother-in-law, my grandmother and grandmothers-in-law, my sister, my sister-in-law and my aunts and cousins. Not to mention all my friends who have been mothers in my life.
This year I send out a huge hug to all my friends who do not have a child to hold, or is mourning the loss of their little one as I am. You are loved, and you are not alone. You are no less important than the woman who holds that baby in her arms. As a matter of fact, I think God holds you just a little closer.
Happy Mother’s Day